Personal Transformation & Einstein’s Definition of Insanity
Why Our Individual Efforts to Change Frequently Fail
It would be quite difficult to find a person who is not able to identify at least a few things that they would like to change about themselves or their circumstances. In a way, all approaches designed to improve our psychological and spiritual wellbeing aim toward some form of transition or transformation. Generally, the goal is to produce a certain positive or desired change, so that we may somehow become a better human version of ourselves. The change can be specific, such as one that targets a specific behavior, emotional response or obsessive thought pattern. In other cases, it can be broader, such as when one is transitioning into older phases of development, into new endeavors or careers, or when responding to any major shift in one’s life situation. For those who wish to seek support with adjusting to life’s challenges, our society offers various resources to help us “work on” changing ourselves. So, it is important to ask - from where have these tools emerged? Primarily, these have evolved from sciences that were created to fix what is wrong with us, but often at the expense of ignoring what may already be right with us.
For nearly two centuries, traditional psychology and psychiatry have been helpful in designing treatments for a large number of identified mental disorders. The most recent copy of the manual of psychiatric disorders (DSM-V) classifies nearly 300 “mental illnesses,” allowing professionals to pinpoint and treat very precise sets of conditions and behaviors, referred to as the “diagnostic criteria,” for each disorder. While most of us would have no problem personally identifying with some of the criteria that are found scattered throughout this publication, we are not very likely to perceive needing professional help, unless the symptoms become severe enough to create major distress for ourselves or for those around us. As a result, psychotherapists and other mental health clinicians have historically been an extremely valuable resource, but almost exclusively for those who are greatly suffering as a result of their psychological disturbances.
What about the rest of us? Are we just supposed to settle for “doing ok” because we are not suffering significantly? Should we simply be grateful for the things that we have accomplished or accumulated, while continuing to live with constant anxiety, anguish and often, a general discontent with life? Is “genuine happiness” just a myth? Could it be that the best approach to living more happily is to bring into being as many pleasurable events and activities, even if it means living dissatisfied during the other ninety percent of our day-to-day routines? Most of us want to believe that there is more to life, especially when we see the evidence in other individuals who indeed appear to live more joyously and peacefully. The problem is that many may assume that this type of fulfillment is not within their reach or for whatever reason, not for them. It doesn’t help that several of the foundational theories in psychology have proposed that once we reach a certain phase of our development, it is too late for any significant overhaul in our psychological wellbeing, so we just have to learn to adapt to who we have already become. Now, because of incredible research in neuroscience, we know that our brains are greatly modifiable throughout our entire life, which is an amazing and promising discovery, and one which I will address in future blogs. However, while some of the older constructs may be outdated, they unfortunately still have a great, yet subtle influence on our our society, creating pessimism and providing little hope for many people. I sense that the older versions of what it means to be “mentally healthy” can be misleading and often create self-fulfilling prophecies, resulting in great numbers of people who feel stuck and unfulfilled.
In western societies, because so many of our efforts have focused on mental illness, individuals who are considered to have a more stable psychological health have not been provided with too many useful tools for flourishing in their lives. Within the last few decades, we have seen a huge increase in the number of “self-help” publications and wellness workshops and very hopeful and optimistic sciences like Positive Psychology and mindfulness studies. For those of us who turn to these, we often find the information offered quite enlightening at the time it is being presented, but these positive effects wear off soon after. Once we close those pages or leave the seminar, we revert right back to our established responses. We were hopeful that acquiring the right knowledge or reading the precise book would be enough to produce a significant shift in us, as if these changes are supposed to happen through osmosis. But it rarely turns out that way. At best, the knowledge gained has become an interesting conversation piece for parties.
Unless we discover ways to integrate the newly acquired ideas and practices into our daily lives, the potential for a major shift in our being becomes unattainable. So, when the ordinary person encounters the next major life challenge, they either turn to the more traditional resources (psychotherapy, prescriptions, etc.) or to their own repetitive and addictive patterns of dealing with a crisis, whether they have been previously helpful or not. Why do we do this when we are all familiar with Einstein’s definition of insanity? Perhaps, because at the time the situation presents itself, we may not be aware of any better strategy.
As a result, in order to cope with our habitually failed efforts to change, we may decide to count our blessings and be thankful for the nice life that we may have created, convincing ourselves that perhaps, this is as good as it gets. We may think to ourselves - “my life may be difficult but at least it’s not as bad as what some other people have to deal with.” As if recognizing that things could always be worse (and they always can) is sufficient to somehow help us cope better with our own present challenges. And while we should indeed be grateful for our blessings and privileges, we should not do so at the expense of denying that we are also suffering and that everybody hurts. Yet, within most of us, there is a deep and silent wish that we can live differently. That something else, presently unknown to us, is somehow missing. If one day, we stumble upon and “find it,” we will suddenly begin living a more fulfilling and beautiful life. The unfortunate news is that there is no magical answer that we will finally discover, taking away all of our problems and delivering eternal happiness and life-satisfaction. That is an impossible goal. The good news is that we have much more than an all or nothing option and that we can certainly and intentionally move toward a more purposeful and flourishing existence.
As many of us already know, this movement toward more meaning has little to do with purchasing more elaborate items, planning more fun vacations or even creating a well-crafted safety net. This does not mean that we should abandon these efforts. Rather, we can acknowledge that while it is pleasant to be able to pursue such things and while they do provide temporary bursts of enjoyment, they will always fall short of fostering significance and long-lasting peace in our lives, as much as eating dinner will not take away our hunger forever. To seek our purpose, especially for those in the second half of life, a more profound awareness and transformation is what we hope to find. Today, the word transformation is being used in many ways, even within institutional settings, but it was traditionally reserved for a more profound and personal change, beyond an individual’s specific tendencies and behaviors.
Over the next few blogs, I will be sharing ideas, information and practices that can potentially encourage movement toward increased meaning and fulfillment in one’s life, as well as toward unconditional self-acceptance. The source of these teachings will vary from scientific findings to spiritual teachings, from any and all traditions. There will be an emphasis on better understanding our own ego and the role that it has played, and continues to play in our personal development. This will include suggestions for practicing what is learned, so that it can become integrated into our daily routines and not just something else that was added to our reading list. Since “once-size-fits-all” approaches do not exist, I intend to present various resources so that each person can choose and incorporate those that best harmonize with their own life-purpose, personality and lifestyle.
This type of transformation has much more to do with accepting reality and not as much to do with trying to control it. It addresses a shift in our whole being, not just in something in particular that we do or not do. Our changed behaviors are the result, not the cause, of our transformed being. Transformation is about living differently, even when everything around us stays just as it is.
I will end this introductory blog with a quote from one of my favorite psychologists, Carl Rogers –
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change.”
* Enrique Otero, M.Ed., LPC is a licensed professional counselor, personal coach, mindfulness teacher & retired psychology professor.
